Konichiwa! So I mentioned in my last post that I'd done some research for my fanfic and I've been writing Germany's flirting incorrectly for his character, so this post should clear up what I meant by that. Researching this was extremely interesting for me, particularly because I love learning about foreign cultures. Here's a basic rundown of the results of my research. I hope you learn something!
So, flirting and dating is extremely different in other countries, but Germany in particular. I live in the U.S. and we're really extreme compared to the rest of the world. In the States, we have boiled dating down to a basic set of rules and I largely can't stand it because those rules make relationships move too fast and feel insincere. For those of you who aren't familiar with what I'm referring to, it's rules like the three bases (first base is kissing with tongue/making out, second is groping, third is oral sex, and there's a fourth base, also known as a homerun, which is actually having sex), no kissing on the first date (that one is going away a little bit with the younger generation), don't call or text for at least three days after a date, generally people will start throwing the "L" word (love) around after a couple of months, people move in together in anticipation of marriage, if you've gone on three dates and haven't had sex yet then the relationship won't last, etcetera, etcetera. Most of those rules are only applicable once you are in college or if you are dating as an adult, but many are used when teens date as well. Boring, boring, boring. There's no spontaneity, no romance. And worst of all, the relationships move too fast and you end up bored with each other. In my case, I've always forced guys to slow down which has bored them, so that's another issue.
In Germany, on the other hand, apparently most of that stuff is invalid. I have read several blog posts and forum threads with American women freaking out because they've found a German guy they are interested in, but he either ignores them or only treats them as friends. We American girls are used to being hit on and catcalled, so it's kind of a culture shock. I decided to dig further into the issue and what I came up with is this: in general, German women are mean and German men are shy because of it. Simple as that. I read a blog post by an American man living in Germany where he discussed an incident in which he went to a bar and tried to hit on some girls (offered to buy them a drink, smiled, told them they were pretty, etcetera) and they flat out shot him down. To us Americans, he's Mr. Nice Guy, but to German girls, he's Mr. Creepo that you avoid like the plague. Strange, huh? Another blog post I read humorously said that German men have to flirt kind of like they're courting Brunhilde from the German epic poem Nibelungenlied. If you aren't familiar with it, basically Brunhilde is an Icelandic princess who doesn't want to marry King Gunthar, so Gunthar asks the German Prince Seigfreid to help him best her in a competition of her own creation. He does so and so she marries King Gunthar, but she doesn't want to be married even still and Seigfried has to help again and I think he hangs her on a nail on the wall or something like that after thoroughly defeating her. After she's been defeated, Gunthar basically rapes her to consummate their marriage. Now, I'm not saying rape is considered romance. What I'm saying is that basically German guys are really awkward, so they're a little rough in their courtship.
Many of the things I've read have said that flirting for a German guy consists of giving you the Icy Glare of Death for longer than two seconds and then looking away. They don't talk to you because the women are expected to do the talking and they're intimidated by the women, especially women they don't know well. It's very interesting. It's also generally considered very rude to go up and talk to someone you don't know without being introduced first, which doesn't help things. So, to bypass this, people usually just go get drunk. Weird, I know. Also, it is very uncommon for German men to ask girls on dates unless they are serious about the girl, so a man is usually already deeply in love with a girl if he asks her out and it's very exciting for the girl if she gets asked out. Most first dates in Europe are over coffee, by the way. In America, a lot of times people go to the movies, as far as I've observed. I've also read that the way you know you're in a serious relationship with a German is the first kiss. As long as neither of you are drunk when it happens, then it's serious and you'd probably be considered to be dating exclusively (so, not seeing anyone but that person).
Tips for Flirting With a German Man by Women Who Should Know:
- If you catch him looking at you, smile and maintain eye contact. Do not be afraid of the Glare!
- Once you start talking, keep up the conversation
- Americans have an advantage: nodding and saying "uh huh" during conversation is usually considered rude in Germany, but it's apparently endearing in foreigners
- Be patient. A guy could be in love with a girl for years and she wouldn't know it. It's just how they work.
- Don't be mean!
- He may break dates early on as a means of trying to be "suave." Don't let it get you down.
- Hang in there and do your best!
So, I've basically concluded that I need to find a nice German man. I'm such a weirdo about dating and relationships and I'll admit that I have high standards, but for whatever reason, the way Germans do things really appeals to me. I like that things go slowly, for sure, and I think it's kind of cute that the guys are shy, even if it would mean me being on the receiving end of a German Icy Glare of Death. I don't know. It's just neat. I also like that the first date and first kiss are actually special as opposed to just a dime a dozen. American guys are too concerned with satisfying their libido to really care about what the girl wants, which is why I've been forced up to second base when I didn't really even want to make it to first, but it seems like it wouldn't be quite as much that way with a German guy. Maybe? I don't know for sure, but it just seems like they're more considerate because they aren't having to follow this list of rules that's completely set in stone. But like I said, I'm weird and kind of old fashioned, so that kind of thing appeals to me. Also, German accents are freaking sexy! (>////<) Haha!
Oh, and if you're not from the States and you believe that our guys are all gentlemen, I'm going to have to burst your bubble a little bit by telling you they're most definitely not. There are some out there, I'm sure, but they're few and far between. Even in the South it's hard to find a gentleman under the age of sixty. Now, I know I'm biased, so you should really take everything I say with a grain of salt, but a lot of the guys I know are so egoistic that they can't think of anything but themselves and usually only date for the social status and physical gratification. I also don't like the term "love" because it's overused to the point that it has no meaning anymore. I've been told by a few different guys that they were "in love with me," but that really translates to "you have huge boobs and I want to get into your pants." DON'T TRUST THEM!!! At least, not if they say it really early on. I do believe love exists, which is more than I could say a month ago, but I don't know if people really understand what love means. Basically, just be careful, ladies. No matter who you're dating.
And now that I'm off my soapbox, I'm going to sign off before I can get back on it again. This was just one of those neat little things I had to share with you reader-sans. I hope you found it interesting. Catch you guys later!
- Turtle-chan
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